Letter to my sex addict
Dear Sex Addict,
You have been running/ruining my life for too long. I was a child when you caught me in your grasp and told me that I would never measure up. Just an unsuspecting little boy that was afraid of being alone forever. In a lot of ways I am still that little boy. But no more, I am determined to be the Man that God has called me to be. You will not run my life anymore. You will not entice me with your lies. I am not helpless, and I am not hopeless. I am not a loss cause.
As a boy you told me that I would never compare to the other boys, so I spent the majority of my life trying to compete, trying to prove that I was better, and if I wasn't better at least I can watch pornography and pretend that I was. I will no longer listen to your lies. Because I am not worthless, I am a child of God. He made me in his image, he said that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, he said that he made me just the way he meant too. I. Am. Not. Trash
He has given me the power to defeat you, and I have every intention to. So here is what I am going to do.
1) I am no longer going to hide in the shadows of shame and regret, every time you come knocking on my door
2) I am going to be open and honest with my accountability partners and tell them when I am struggling
3) I will not try to defeat you alone
4) I will set boundaries, on my computer and my iPad, and my phone.
5) I will not try to find excuses to listen to your lies
6) This is the last conversation you and I are going to have about this issue. I will no longer listen to your lies, and allow you to manipulate my decisions, my life, my future. this is it.
Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Letter from my sex addict
Here we go again. So what is going to make this time different. You have been saying the same thing since you were 13 years old. Well I've got news for you buddy boy, you're weak! You need me. You think that anyone is going to love you as much as I love you. You think that you will ever be able to think straight with out me. I tell you what to think. I care about you. You're a basket case you wouldn't know what to do without me. You don't know how to function. I have been your closest and most faithful friend for the past 14 years. I raised you. I taught you everything you know about sex.
You are the most weak willed person that I know. How many times have you tried to get rid of me, how many times have you crumbled at the first sign of adversity. You can't kick me, you will never get rid of me. I will destroy your thinking, I will destroy your self image, your self esteem, your relationships with your family, and your future marriage. You have already traded true authentic commitment for me, why wouldn't you do that again. You love me more than you love anything else in this world. YOU ARE WEAK.
So you think your little list is going to scare me? Well I have news for you, I've made a little list of my own, and this is exactly how it is going to go:
1) Don't bother hiding from me, you can't hide, I know where you are, I know your favorite hiding spots, and I know your weaknesses, I know your deepest darkest secrets and they are dirty. You are the scum of the earth so if you don't want to hide fine, I will expose you. The whole world will see how nasty you really are.
2)You'll be honest with your accountability partners? Fine, we'll see how they react when you fall the 1000th time. We will see how helpful they are. They are going to judge you they are going to hate you. You will only bring them down. You don't have any other friends but me. So you might as well just give up.
3)You won't try and defeat me alone? Who are you going to get to help you? you don't have any friends. And any friend you think you have. Guess what I control them too.
4) Boundaries? Please you've known how to get around internet filters since you were in the 5th grade. You know you will find a way around them, you just need to get desperate enough. I give it 2 weeks and you will be looking for ways around the blockers. 2 weeks. And that's pushing it.
5) You don't need an excuse to listen to my lies, because I am your closest friend. I have known you for your whole adolescent and adult life. I raised you. I molded you. I know the truth about you. And you are going to listen.
6) this is our last conversation huh? Okay, yes this is our last conversation until the next time you talk to me. I don't manipulate your life, I control it. And you don't know how to live without me. You truly are one pathetic person, and you won't last a day without me. I will destroy your life from the inside out, I will control you, I WILL OWN YOU.
Your Truest and Oldest Friend
The Sex Addict